Restless Nights...

  Link awoke in the middle of the night again, no doubt from another bad dream and he clutched at his chest with his left hand, trying to catch his breath.  He was sweating and his heart ached, no doubt from actually stopping during his sleep again.  These dreams of his seemed to be coming and going, but they were getting more and more frequent as of late.  He was wearing his usual white trousers, white undershirt and his green over shirt and he was laying on top of his thin tan bed roll in the green soft grass next to a lessening fire, as Epona lay only a few yards off.  Link was trying hard to forget his dream, knowing if he remembered he would only feel worse than he already had been feeling... yet knowing he HAD to remember.... he had to see her Beautiful Shining Face once more.... even if it was not meant to be shining for "him".


  He got up and sat next to the fire and took a swig of warm Lon Lon Milk.  He was hungry... starving even.  He had not eaten in days.  Not by accident or because he was out of food, but by choice.  He was trying to counter the pain in his heart by making his stomach ache.  It was not perfect, it was not a total solution to the problem, but it did help.  The small ache in his belly was greatly dwarfed by the pain in his heart, but at least the pain in his stomach helped him through out the day and actually helped him sleep some what, even if it was an uneasy sleep.  It was the only real thing he could think of that would be a constant distraction of just thinking about her all day, but he would have to eat eventually and he still could not control his dreams... Epona took notice and swooshed her tail back and forth, her head rising slightly and neighed, knowing it must of been another bad dream of his and then layed her head back down into the cool grass and tried to go back to sleep.

  
  The memory of the dream was fading fast, but if he tried hard enough he might just be able to reach out and grab a hold of what was left of it.  He concentrated and tried to see through all the clouds and cob webs in his head.  His mind raced through all the hazy details and jumbled images, of patches of darkness and of irrelevance.  He was not sure if it was just like that with all dreams or if these in particular his brain was just trying to save him from the pain and suffering it knew surely would follow if he actually was allowed to and did remember them.  Kind of like a fail safe mechanism or a Pandora's box of sorts...  


  Stuff that had nothing to do with her at all came flooding back first.  Happy thoughts of riding Epona in the beautiful and wide open emerald green fields of Hyrule with the beautiful flowers in full bloom and a few trees scattered here and there with the afternoon sun up with not a white cloud in the sparkling crystal blue sky, the cool breeze blowing gently.  Or of him taking time out and joking with the guards on duty trying to relieve a little of their own stress and or boredom or even just running some odd errand or another for someone or for something.... And then after all that... after he had to force himself to concentrate even harder, to struggle with his own mind, his memory from the dream finally got to her...


  She was in her royal white carriage, wearing her royal purple and white dress and she was leaning out of the window, laughing, talking, flirting, twirling and brushing her Beautiful Long Luxurious Brown Hair like she use to do for him.  But instead of him being the center of her attention and of her affections, it was someone else.  An ex of hers.  Someone she had promised it was over with a long time ago.  Link felt a pang of jealousy and he tried to push that emotion from his mind, but he could not.


  She was the MOST Beautiful, the MOST Wonderful and the MOST Special young woman in all the land to some, but to him, the entire world.  But it went far beyond her royal title to him.  Unlike most people, he genuinely cared for her for "her", not just because she had money or prestige or because she was pretty or even because it was out of convenience of her just happening to be there, but because of who she really was, the person on the inside.  He thought back to all the times they had spent together.  All those long nights, for months and months, never missing even a single night.  All the things they had discussed, all the promises that had been made.  On more than one occasion he had told her his true feelings of not being good enough for her.  He did not have any Royal blood in him coming from the back waters of Ordon and he certainly was not rich.  He did not even own any land per say, only a tree house.  He was more or less just a commoner or a rogue, and she was the Princess of Hyrule after all.  He had asked what would her parents or the people of her kingdom think or say and she had replied back more than once, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says, only what she thinks and feels and she said she thought he was wonderful and that she loved him for all he had done for her and her royal subjects.  Even after the fall of Ganon he had been there to help mend her own broken heart much like he had been there to mend her palace and her kingdom... she had insisted and promised she had given him her heart and she had begged him to take good care of it so it would not be hurt like it had been before... And he promised and gave her his own in return, with the same stipulation, to simply treat it right...  But obviously she felt it more important to ask an old flame who had been the one to purposely hurt her to begin with and who would most likely just do it again and who had no emotions to give back to her or to share with her..., but if only her ex would just take her back at the cost of Link's and Zelda's love for one another...


  Everything seemed to fade away in the dream from around the carriage and the new couple and he focused on something around her neck.  It was swinging in the breeze in slow motion and was twinkling from the light of the bright afternoon sun.  Time seemed to slow down to a crawl and the twinkling object seemed to be magnified up close and he could actually hear it swaying like a large pendulum, like the beating of a broken heart; slow, sad and dieing.  It was the necklace she had gotten from her ex as a present from him just being a "friend" and she had worn it ever since and never took it off.  Every time Link saw her wearing it it was as if she was grabbing a hold of his own heart and wrenching it, twisting it, pulling it, manipulating it, squeezing it and tearing it apart purposely just to hurt him, everything she had promised she would not do to him or to his heart she was doing.  She always wore it even when Link was around and she never even bothered to hide it from his view.  Never mind the necklace he himself had gotten her..., he was sure that was long gone and forgotten and hidden or had been thrown away by now, discarded like a worthless trinket or a pitiful broken heart, just like all the other things he had gotten her...  Everything was just all about this necklace... her life revolved around it...


  He didn't like the waiting and it made him feel even worse.... she had said she still felt something for Link so there was still that glimmer of hope that she would come back.  But that was only possible if her ex said no to her proposal of coming back to her.  He remembered hearing that for the first time from her and his jaw dropped open practically to the floor in disbelief.  That was pretty screwed up... but what made matters even worse was that Link assumed her ex was trying to follow in his own footsteps and win her back by trying to impress her one way or another and her ex had tried joining the Hyrulian Guard, but he failed and never made it.  Link did not know what happened, but he did know he himself fought for the Princess to protect her, not to impress her.  It was none of his business though of her ex and he certainly hoped nothing bad had befallen him.  Even if Link did not like him or he was jealous of him, it did not mean he had wished him any harm... but it looked like her ex had gotten the better end of the deal anyway, with Zelda wanting to be by his side once more.


  It made him feel like garbage, even worse, more so like a shadow, like a fleeting memory of what once was... He felt soulless now, like the best part of him had been ripped out and wasted... strewn about in an uncaring fashion on the ground to rot with the maggots and the trash, but what else could he do, but wait?  She still had his heart.... he just wished she was not abusing it like she was.  But what was even worse was he had heard from some of the guards that her ex had actually turned her down miraculously and instead of her coming back to Link as she had promised, she had actually went with someone else new entirely...  Link felt like he now had two sharp jagged daggers stabbed into his unprotected back, piercing his already weakened heart, making it bleed out even more... what was once just a trickling stream became a gushing river of thick warm red blood and of hot fiery anguish.  At times it felt like he was bleeding internally and he thought he could taste his own blood; rich in iron, in his mouth and he felt as if he would become so over come with the red viscous liquid coming up through his throat that he would drown in it.

  He had been sitting there thinking back on his dream so long that the fire was just smolders by now and the sun had started to come up, it's light giving the dark early morning sky a purplish orange tint to it. Trees up on the hill were silhouetted by the coming light.  The Earth was about to gain the warmth and nourishment it needed and everything would seem to be coming alive once again. The beautiful flowers would begin to open up and bloom, the bees would soon once again come out of their hive to collect the sweet nectar they needed to survive as well as to help pollinate the flowers themselves, animals would begin to move about and eat the tall green grass or drink the cool morning dew from the leaves, the birds would begin singing and maybe even looking for mates, roosters would start to crow and people would start to get up to begin their daily chores.  Husbands would be kissing their loving wives before they got up for work and telling them how much they loved them.  Mothers would be kissing their children lovingly before they left the house for school, telling them they loved them and handing them their lunch.  But he did not feel any warmth or love or even felt alive... just the emptiness, the coldness inside of him he had always felt and the deadness since he had heard those cruel words that hurt him so...

  He thought to himself he could probably just go back to Hyrule and challenge one of the men or both to a duel.  But what good would that accomplish?  Even if he challenged both men at the same time, it would not really even be a fair fight and Link would win regardless.  All it would have done was infuriate Zelda even more and make her even more upset with Link than she already was.  Plus he would have felt bad for doing it.  They had caused him no real harm... well actually they had... they had actually taken the one thing he would have fought to the death to protect.  Something he would have given his own life for to keep safe.  In fact he still would risk his life for her's, even after all the grief and sorrow she had caused him.  But could he really blame them for wanting to be with her?  She was PERFECT to him in every way; looks, personality, the little things she did... even her stubbornness.  She made a wonderful ruler; wise and fair, and she would also make a wonderful wife and eventual mother, so loving and caring... But he could not grasp the concept of fighting for some one's love and attention in the way that he had to steal her away to have her again.  What was the point in causing another person harm just to be loved by someone else?  Love and affection should come freely, not be forced upon or gotten by causing another human being or a thing harm.  He knew her ex had tried to get her back before he had finally given her the necklace and tricked her by saying he was going to become a knight, and Link had still waited for her then.  But once Link had been told she was finally taken and by this new guy of all things, he had stopped trying and finally after not hearing from her, stopped all contact with her.  Not like she had made a big effort to stay in touch anyway... as far as he was concerned she probably would have felt better if he was just dead and buried in an unmarked grave some where with the worms feeding on his decaying body or in a barren lonely ditch with the harsh elements attacking his dead and rotting body, the rains soaking him and then the fiery sun crackling his skin, the vultures coming to pick clean his ivory bones or even at the bottom of a lake with the fish nibbling at his moist tender flesh... either that or off adventuring some where far away and leaving her alone.  Link shook his head... he thought it was ironic that it had been perfectly alright for her ex to still have bothered her when she was with Link though...  


  He sighed and thought back to the duels... if he fought them both and made it look good, even getting in a good shot or two just to make himself feel better, he could feign losing and take death as his reward.  Then he would not have to feel all this pain.  Feeling betrayed was bad enough.  Feeling broken hearted was even worse.  But feeling both at the same time and from someone you love and care for and who supposedly felt the same way at one point back to you... that was just unimaginable.  He would not wish that on his worst enemy.  He had even thought about taking his own life, to simply just make the pain stop, but he had made a promise to always be there for her no matter what.  And maybe once again, if in his life time, when evil spread over Hyrule, he would be called upon once more to defend her and all of her kingdom... or maybe just simply to mend another broken heart...  He layed back down on his bedding and rolled over trying to go back to sleep, but he could not, so he just layed there thinking... all the things he did not want to think about... just another one of those restless nights.....