|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
Envy...I have never envied anyone,
as much as I do you,
right here and now...
Not for the guitar that you can play
or the subjects you are studying
or for your life in general, no...
I envy you for what you hold in your arms
every night, which is the MOST Precious and
the MOST Wonderful of all things, Her...
I had never truly believed in God
until I met Her and realized only He,
could have created something so PERFECT...
So Undeniably and Unbelievably;
Beautiful, Sweet, Special, and Unique.
Everything I ever wanted and needed...
For all the women, wealth and fame
in the world, I would never trade Her
and I will love Her till the very end...
So I envy the extraordinary opportunity
that you possess. You are truly blessed
to have Her, love Her and be loved by Her...
I hope you never take Her for granted,
never hurt Her on purpose and
never misuse the Greatest of Gifts...
Because you see,
She still has my Heart
and my Soul...
She may not need it.
She may not want it.
But She has it and always wi
All Whores Should Die...All whores should die...
I remember you telling me this,
after I had told you everything
about my life.
All the heartbreaks and setbacks.
All the lies and mistreatment’s.
All the hurt and suffering
I had been through...
I was a little taken a back
by your comment.
It seemed so cold
But you were crazy, you always said.
Definitely not normal, just like me.
We were so perfect together and
I thought I had finally found the one...
You understood me and cared.
Knew where I was coming from.
Promised to treat me better
then the others and always be there...
But then you left...
leaving your dagger in my back
just like all the rest of them
for some pretty little boy...
You left me to die alone,
my warm blood spilling
to the floor filling the cracks
telling me I should move on...
I was not aware of how long
I had my hands around your throat...
Your pristine beautiful pale face
turning different shades of purple.
I finally released you and
realized you were right all along...
Sh*t Is The New Sweet...Sh*t is the new sweet
It is hard to believe
but it's true!
When I was a child
I was told by my mother
if you are sweet to the girls
the girls will be sweet to you...
But that was a lie...
The girls were never
sweet to me...
They ignored me,
laughed at me,
always chose others
Over the years
I saw it time and again
almost with out fail...
And if I were to find
someone I thought loved me
they left me for another
with the same qualities below...
Guys who were-
jerks, selfish, cute,
thieves, asses, punks,
abusive, rapists, players,
bastards, jobless, guitarists
and really big pieces of sh*t...
They were all picked before me.
Maybe I should start
being lousy to girls...
Use and abuse them
to treat them as they
truly want to be treated...
I've finally come to realize
that sh*t is the new sweet.....
Deleted Photos...I finally did it!
It took me a while,
but I eventually got to it.
I finally went through and
deleted the many pictures
I had when I was with You...
Most were all LoZ in nature.
Ones I liked in particular
or helped me with ideas
when I wrote stories or
ones I used to show
to make You smile...
Along the way, however,
I came across Your old photos...
It was by mistake though...
I thought I had put them all
away in a special folder...
one of which I would never open...
Or else reopen old wounds,
which really to this day
have never quite healed...
But apparently I had a few
of Your photos scattered
here and there as well...
I wanted to delete them.
I wanted to erase You
from my memory as You
so easily had done with me.
To wash my hands of You,
to forget You forever...
The One who has deleted
practically every aspect of me
and never looked back,
as You merrily went on
Your way as if I no longer
mattered or even existed...
But as I hovered over
Your picture and right-clicked
Dreams: I Want To Hold Your Hand... i had a dream last night. i do not remember what it all entailed, i rarely ever do..., but most of my dreams are nightmares at best. Ever since You left, i have been nothing but sad and depressed. i always wake up crying or not even breathing from my dreams...
But this dream was different. The part that i remember the most and which was the best part, was only a few seconds long... And it was something so simple, but brought such happiness. And most people will laugh or raise an eyebrow, thinking me totally crazy. Which they're probably right... You, on the other hand, will probably just roll Your beautiful eyes as You normally do...
And when i say simple and such a wonderful dream about You, please do not misunderstand me. This was not sexual in nature, You were not even stripping. You were fully clothed in a pink or purple sweater, (A colour in between, it was not quite one or the other.) and blue jeans with sneakers. Your hair was down and you were just sitting, as was
I Quit...I am done.
I've given up.
I am tired of trying,
tired of crying and
tired of people like You...
In all my miserable life,
people have kicked me,
treated me like dirt...
Only a few have gained my trust and my heart.
But then soon they too stabbed me in the back,
twisting it to the hilt, opening up old wounds...
To watch me bleed out slowly in agony,
their stained hands still holding the blade,
as my blood drips to the cold hard cracked floor...
Each time with the most wicked of smiles,
as if their joy is to torment and upset me.
To make me suffer and hurt more than the last...
Each one had known the pain I harbored,
from past failed relationships with no love.
Each promised to treat me better, to be different...
But in the end they were just as bad,
as the ones that came before them
and some times even much worse...
They used and abused me.
Kept me around as a rebound
and then tossed me away like trash...
To ignore me completely,
never to speak to me again,
Something Shiny And New...You said you loved me and I said I loved you.
We were so happy together I thought.
We always talked and could talk about anything.
I understood you and I thought you understood me.
You said you trusted me and I trusted you.
I would have given my life to protect you.
I gave you everything, most importantly my heart.
But in the end you tired of me,
and you wanted Something Shiny and New...
So you stole my heart and left your dagger in my back.
But not for any real good reason,
but simply because you wanted to.
You left me starving and craving for your attention,
your affection and begging for hand outs and scraps of your love.
How pitiful I had become, once a proud man to a simple layman.
Anything I could do to try and please you I did, yet to no avail-
no amount of time, money, gifts or love was good enough for you.
So you left me and found Something Shiny and New...
And with this new love of yours,
you decided to delete me from your life entirely.
No emails, no letters, no phone calls,
I Am...I am an observer,
I watch as you fall
and I won't make a move
to answer your call.
I am dishonest,
it has been since my smallest years
that I let my truth into others ears.
I am a composer,
of a great many lies
yet carry luck like a clover
I never break my disguise.
Through those heat filled faces surrounding me
I can just barely see
and sometimes I find nowhere to run
they take over me.
I am rarely awake with sun,
so that when everything slips undone,
I will not be exposed
I will always stay composed.
I keep my secrets like stars keep distance
burning bright beneath my skin
defining my existence
out of reach and filled with sin.
Never trust a word I say,
I lie to everyone every day
and this is the only time
I will admit
that I am unlike you in many ways.
Who I am is just this: a secret to hold
and I will show no one
no matter how bold.
When one door closes...I’ve heard the saying
When one door closes, another opens,
I felt the disconnect and the lock clicked shut
It closed for just a moment
Then opened so hard
That it spun me
I went down in a haze of mixed emotions,
Not over my loss but feeling for you,
My wants mangling each other,
Eating each other alive,
Until there was nothing left
When the tears stopped
and you were there, waiting
I ran toward you
Wanting change, wanting freedom
Embracing an uncertain future
Your eyes were like the ocean
A swirling punch bowl of blue and white,
So inviting in their dance
So severe was the pull of your undertow
That I dove right in
Without a life preserver
Through your door I swam
With a tail like a mermaid
Propelling me face first
Into your warm water embrace,
With a smile
Meant just for you
It wasn’t what I wanted
At the time...
It was unexpected,
It was love laid out at my feet
In a trail of hot sand
That burned my toes
Until you carried me
Hell Doesn't Even KnowI want to cry so much...
Maybe I'm happy,
Maybe I'm sad.
I feel so alone,
Yet I've been with people all day.
I feel so unloved,
Yet I know I have people who love me.
I can't talk about these feelings.
I can't open up when the door is locked.
And the key is lost.
I want to inspire,
But I just recieve empathy.
I want to die,
But I keep on breathing.
I feel so confused, lost and all alone.
The feelings inside me are too strong for my body.
I don't want someone to understand.
I want someone to give me the answers to why I am like this.
And a solution to fix the massacre inside me...
I'm sorryWhen you tore my heart out
And threw it to the ground
That laughed at me
I reached out
To touch you
And you shattered
I know why too
It's because you were
And you thought that
If you accepted
Then everything would crash
But as it turns out
You were wrong
Because when I reached out
And you rejected me
All on your own
I pick up
Now I'll have to
Buy a new mirror
TogetherWhen I'm with you it looks like
things are getting better.
But when I look outside
black clouds are raining fire.
When I look in your eyes
this world just slips away.
And all the nights' wars and famines
can't touch me in my Utopian day.
Hold me in your warm embrace,
I've found a place to hide.
Let's just be our own world,
and never look outside.
Let us be together
when it seems that we will die.
Let's hold each others' hands
while the clouds are raining fire.
MessEverywhere I go
Every single place
The troubles seem to grow
Every smiling face
Eventually frowns with woe
Why can't I do
I just screw
Up everything despite
The happiness I try to spew
Is it me
Am I the source of this ache
Does the pain flow free
Is this what I make
Should I go away and hide
Never to see others
Or the outside
But would I stop another's
Pain and be the only one that ever cried
What is a life with no grey
When everyone is sad
I'd give it all away
It wouldn't be that bad
I would finally be able to say
I saved a life
Sinking aloneGasping for every breathe I take,
Dreading all the mistakes I'll make,
I hope I do everything right
I don't want to lose this fight.
Each bad choice takes me away,
And every time I fade away.
I lose myself in this mess,
And sometimes I could care less.
Life goes on, I watch it go,
Some things I can't change, I know.
I try to hold on to every chance I get,
But I can't do it all, my time is set.
I must give up some things I would like
To look at things to live my life right
I don't care if you like what I choose,
Because in the end, I've got nothing to lose.
It swallows you whole,
Exceeds your control.
Apprehends your soul,
Until it has taken its toll.
It’s an overwhelming feeling.
That is made to be appealing
And you can’t help revealing,
The doubts you are concealing.
It’s an undefined dimple
And a well known jingle.
But only when you are single
Does it all seem so simple.
It is one of life’s many gifts,
That empowers and uplifts
And can lead you adrift.
Should you miss your shift.
It is impossible to describe it.
It is impossible to fight it.
Because once it is ignited
And once you have tried it.
It will take your independence.
You will become used to its presence.
You will become addicted to its essence
And include it at the end of your every sentence.
It exists even in the hearts of its haters.
It is a taste even they will savour
And although its duration wavers.
There will never be a feeling that is greater.
Everything I have said and more.
I am merely repeating what you already know.
AnxietiesHands over ears, screams hide the tears
Like monsters, they stand around, eerie and cruel
Grotesque and uncontrolled
They drive me to the point of collapse
So I do.
I’m the ground
I shake and tremble and tear everything down
I am the ground
I don’t understand how anyone stays around me
When I’m like this
I’m like a stone
Rolling out of control
Loud and predictable, we all know where I’m going
Down, as sure as water, I will fall
And as a boulder, I will tear down everything in my path
In The Darkness...In the Darkness
I can see You...
As if You were beside me
and had never let me go...
Even when I close my eyes
at night, You are there...
But I know you are holding and
being held by someone else now...
And it kills me,
every single time...
The heart wrenching tears that I cry,
should at least blur my vision of You...
To deter or hide away,
Your haunting beauty...
But they do not and
I carry on suffering...
I cover my shuttered eye lids
with the palms of my hands...
As if to deny,
all possible light...
I grind the heals into them,
but I start seeing bright stars...
And alas, You're still here
torturing me sadistically...
I scream in anguish,
but no one dares care...
As if in silence, a pain
only I can bear...
Desperately, I take my sharpened quill
and plunge it into my eyes...
Leaving only bare sockets to remain,
on my pride-less blood stained face...
Now blind and truly in Darkness,
I find my mind continues to see You...
There's no escape, no relief
and I am Forever Yours.....
Nine TimesI saw him nine times.
The first time we were both sitting in the room together, getting ready to take the math test that would determine our placement. I was scatterbrained and throwing things around, trying to find the pencils that I had known I would need but had still just tossed in my purse. He was lounging backwards in his chair, looking for all the world as though he didn’t have a single care in the world, including the upcoming test. It annoyed me, that I was frantic and ready to scream, while someone else could be that relaxed.
I tested out of the class.
I don’t know if he did.
The second time I saw him, it was a few months after I arrived on campus. He was the one rushing and frantic this time, running across the square. He was probably late for class, though I had no way of knowing for sure. I was already lost in my own thoughts and ideas, deciding on my major and convincing people that yes, this is what I really want to do with my life. If they weren
Keep in Touch!