A Disease Called Loneliness...

A Disease Called Loneliness...

Loneliness is a disease,
a sickness of sorts.
It is debilitating,
heart wrenching,
mind numbingly painful.

It is something
that can never go away on it's own.
No drugs have been invented
that can cure it and
no therapy can help treat it.

It is something that starts
with a broken heart and
can take your breath away
even in mid sleep waking you
as your lungs gasp for air.

Then when you think
it can get no worse.
It begins to spread
throughout your entire body
like a dreadful cancer.

I can feel it in the pit of my stomach now.
Gnawing away at both
my insides and my Soul...
as it creeps it's way outwards
tainting everything it touches...

I have felt traces of it
in my elbows and knees
and through out my arms and legs...
all the way to my fingers and toes.
Making me feel much older than I should.

So bad now in fact, people ask if I'm alright.
I do not make any noise,
I try and keep a straight face.
I try to act like all is ok.
But they say I look paler...

I just shrug and tell them it's nothing.
I've survived living on the streets,
being in the military
and through some nasty stuff
in my meager existence...

And yet a single woman...
as breathtakingly gorgeous
and as wonderful as she may seem
to others at least anyway...
brought me entirely to my knees.

Oh sure I have felt heart break before...
Her dagger in my back
piercing my heart
was not the first...
But it may be the last...

I can no longer function in society.
I can no longer put in the effort
to seem like I am ok.
As if everything is alright
and nothing is wrong.

That smile I had on days ago,
for weeks at a time...
That was for their benefit, not my own.
This constant sorrow in my heart
and the scowl on my face...

That is the real me.
The true me.
What I never wanted to become,
but what I am now...
Thanks to You...

I can feel Death knocking on my door.
Calling to me to join him...
They say depression kills...
So when will this all be over then?
Or do I have to rush the process myself...

It's too painful and
the worst part of all...
I have to bear this all alone.
I have what they've termed,
a disease called Loneliness.....